Travels

Been a few weeks since i last posted anything, has been pretty hectic, some highs and lows, fortunately more highs.
My Gran passed three weeks ago, she went peacefully with her daughters by her bedside. Her Funeral was the following week and was a fitting tribute to a wonderful lady, i'd like to think she would have approved.
I got through it and the gathering afterwards no problem at all, and it felt really good to be able to offer support to my loved ones instead of being the one who needed it.
The following Monday was my re-arranged trip to England to visit my friends, i never slept very much the night before my journey due to anxiety and excitement but i had expected not too, so that was not a problem, the journey down wasn't the nicest six hours i have spent, cramped in a sweltering hot coach, but i got there and was warmly greeted by Nikki and she led the way to the train station, and her partner John met us at the other end to take me back to there home where i was going to be staying for the next week.
Looking back i am so pleased with myself for doing this even as little as six months ago there is no way i would have contemplated such a journey, and i never even thought about it just did it.
Nikki and John have a lovely home, in a stunningly beautiful area, and were the perfect hosts made me feel very welcome and at ease. I was unsure how easily i would fit in having only spent a few days in there company before but it was wonderful we got on very well, and they are a lot of fun to be with.
We travelled a lot during the week to various places, Bridgenorth, Stratford upon Avon, Warwick Castle, Much Wenlock, and Wales. All places were well chose as they all were beautifully scenic, plenty to see and do. All in all my first holiday in a long time was a total success and i cant wait to visit again, the journey home was much  more pleasant the coach was cooler and i managed to doze away most of the trip, but to be honest if i could have i would have chosen to stay on for  little longer.
After a fantastic week i was hoping my motivation and get up and go would have returned, unfortunately it has not, i am struggling to get out my daily walk and my appetite is for all the wrong things. I skipped weight watchers this week and although i am determined to go next Tuesday at the moment i don't want to, it is as if my sub conscious is playing with me again and turning me away from the things i know are good for me. Is strange to say the least, i haven't been taking photo's since i returned and i therefore have been lapsed on keeping my photo journal up to date, i have stopped jogging (although this may be a good move due to sore hip) i have not been walking enough and eating all the wrong things. It is internal sabotage :)
Nikki has agreed to nag me and to keep reminding me and hopefully this phase will pass but it is not new too me and has caught me in the past dragging me down and leaving me in a dark place. I am stronger now than i have ever been and for the first time in a long time i can honestly say i like myself, so this time i wont let old habits win i shall keep on with what in know is good for me until i enjoy it again.
Whilst i was away my Uncle passed away, he was a good age and would not of gotten out of hospital after a bad fall, so was a blessing. He was a lovely man and a great character, it is his funeral on Friday, and hopefully this will be the last of them for the next wee while.

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So another not so good week has past, i cant say bad week these days, as i can still remember my bad weeks and the week past doesn't even compare.
My gran is still hanging on 6 days after being given 48hrs left to live, she is a tough old bird, she is comfortable and in no pain, just sleeping her final days away, not a bad way to go. I'd like to think she is having fantastic dreams and that is the reason she is sticking around.
I'm late in writing this as i was on a downer and every word i typed was negative and i did not want it to be that way. I have struggled with what's going on it had triggered a bit of a dip in my mood and within that i had started to revert back to old habits, mostly eating a lot of junk food and doing a lot less exercise than i had been of late.
Today was supposed to be my weekly weight watchers weigh in, but i could not face going knowing what i had eaten the week past and imagining what the scales were going to say. I sent a message to my leader and got a very encouraging, supportive reply, and because of that i think that all going well i shall go and get weighed in tomorrow morning instead.
I am back on track today, had a good walk, and have refrained from cakes/sweets/crisps etc so things are definitely back on the right road.
I have recently rekindled my interest in Buddhism through a book i bought called " The Places That Scare You" written by Pema Chodron It is exactly what i've been needing an inspirational book written from a Buddhist stand on how to conquer fears using ur beliefs. I am not a Buddhist as such but it is something i keep coming back to time and time again and provides me with a great deal of benefit when things aren't going so good. So maybe i should consider taking it a bit more seriously.
I would very much like to live within Samye Ling (the buddhist centre i have attended in the past) for a few months to experience what it would be like to do so, volunteering in the kitchens, and being able to study and meditate in a supported environment. Will need to look into it i think.
As for this coming week i think it's going to be a whole lot better, i feel emotionally stronger i have slept better the past two nights, and i am better prepared for what lies in wait.
Unfortunately i had to postpone my visit down South for obvious reasons, but it has worked out well as i am now going in a little over a fortnight and staying for a full week. Good times!

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