It has again been a good while since I last posted, just recovering from a low period, longest since this time last year. Never been good in the run in to that happy time Christmas.


Was hoping to avoid the winter blues this year but to no avail. It's difficult when things are going so well around me, lot's of positive things happening, yet I'm a sour faced git. Anyway the worst is hopefully behind me now and I wanted to note all the positive advancements that are happening.

I shall soon be moving flat, not far from here but a much nicer area and property, which will be a great leap forward. :~)

Also I recently applied for a couple of volunteer posts, and today I heard back from them both!

The first is actually getting a depression self help group up and running in Ayr, which will be a huge challenge that I'm really looking forward to, it will involve trying to get others to take a role in the building of the group, as it seems I am the first to put my name forward, so I shall get in touch with my CPN and see if he has anyone that would be interested and capable of helping.

The other is for be-friending, people with similar health problems to myself, and I've to go in to the local volunteer office for a interview, to find out more and to be assessed.

I'd imagine both will have to wait till the new year with me moving but both will be big steps for me and who knows where I'll be led from taking part.

EXCITING TIMES!

I have neglected my blog of late, the reason for this is due to my ever improving mental health.

Which is wonderful, but I had intended this to document my good times as well as the not so good.

Soooooo,

I have done an awful lot since my last post, I have been to England several times, to Devon and Cornwall most recently, which was wonderful, and i'm very glad to say I have made some very strong friendships through this internet nonsence, namely Twitter, which does lie unused these days, as I spend more time on Facebook.

Also attended a few parties, nights out and a wedding! All of this still amazes me from time to time as it seems that I have progressed so quickly over the past 12 months, I now still suffer the same initial anxiety in social situations, but it fades and i do not let it control me, i now know how to control it, with breathing and other relaxation techniques.

The dark days still show up now and again, but again they no longer are in control, where in days gone, I would have curled up on the couch and festered in my misery, I now get off my fat arse and move, out walking or if possible i'll meet someone.


Speaking of my fat arse, I am back on a healthy diet and feeling more determined than ever to lose weight, for my good friends wedding in July of next year.

Recently I managed to get five of my photographs put forward for publishing in a local mental health newsletter, through this and the accompanying write up it is hoped that it will give other people who are struggling with mental health issues, incentives to get out in the fresh air with camera, as it has done wonders for me and continues to do so.

I shall continue to update this from time to time,

Andy D

Well I guess it shows that perseverance pays, it is slow progress but i am finding my motivation, and becoming more inspired each day.
I have been out walking and taking photos almost everyday this past week and although it was very demoralising to realise just how unfit i had become, it should deter me from ever letting things slip quite so badly again.
Have met a good few new people on twitter recently, if any find themselves reading this i'd encourage you to go too my first couple of posts so you understand what my blog is about.
One of my new twitter mates was kind enough to post a book on photography to me, how nice is that!
This coming week will be more of the same, lots more walking and lots more photo's, should be fun.
A week tonight there is going to be a family party at my Gran's, it is a get together of my mums side of our family which very rarely happens, and the last party our family will have in the house my grandpa built for his family,it is being sold on to a young couple so hopefully will soon be full of life again!
So all is heading back in the right direction :~)

What a difference a week can make!
Had a bit of a revelation a few days ago, it came to me after getting good results from my blood tests.
I was feeling sorry for myself wondering why i was so tired all the time, i realised that i was actually feeling the way i always used to feel, before losing weight, through exercising, and eating more healthily.
I have put back on two of the five stone i lost, so obviously that is going to impact on my health, and had virtually stopped exercising. So in short no wonder i feel like shit all the time.
I brought it upon myself, so equally i can reverse it, which i have started to do, eating less and also cutting out the crap again, i did it before, i can and will do it again.
I am feeling motivated and upbeat about it, and looking forward to the challenge.
I am missing socialising though, i miss my mates and  really need to try and put myself out there in the real world again, looking into college courses, which will be great if a little daunting at first, but anything like that will take months to organise, i need to start now, strike while the iron is hot an all that.
Have  absolutely no idea how to go about this i have been living in a very very small social circle  for the past 5/6 years due too my illness, so, what to do! Plenty of food for thought.
I mean right now i would love to be going to a pub, with friends to watch the Rugby. The rather obvious problem with this, having no one to bloody go with.
I have the option of asking my CPN for help, but any group/club he can organise for me is keeping me inside the mental health care system, and i'm wanting to spread my circle outside that.

Has been a long time since my last post!
Mostly due to my struggling to find motivation to do things, and an overwhelming tiredness that seems to have attached itself to me.
I am in a rut that is new to me, as i don't think it has anything to do with my usual depression, i am familiar with lethargy which i can mostly push myself through, and get over.
Past few weeks when i push myself i end up needing to step back to recover, rather than it helping.
I went to my G.P and she took blood to make sure my thyroid function was ok, fortunately it is, and I was pleased as well that my diabetes test came back good too.
So am i just needing a right good slap?? Am i just being a lazy bastard??
I know one thing the rate i'm putting weight back on is affecting me, my back and knees ache again when i'm out walking.
I am pissed off as this is the longest spell of being in a positive state of mind, and i feel it is slipping away from me when i should making the most of it.
I am meeting with my old CPN Laura on Thursday, and hopefully she will have some suggestions for me, as for first time in years i am at a loss for what to do next, all i can think of is 'get over it' that doesn't seem to be working!
I have started chatting on Twitter again which is good for me as it means i'm not just sitting listening to music all day, and my online friends are a great source of support when i'm not out meeting friends in the 'real world'.
Is quite ironic that this post comes from me in a stable 'normal' mood yet it has a lower tone, than when i was going through a depression.
Arse!
;oP

Ok another week gone, and another dose of the cold gained feeling rough.
I went my walk on the first and it was good to get out and stretch my legs, i have not repeated it to the same degree though, i have been out, just not the same distance and i can feel myself losing my fitness and getting bigger, i need a kick start, but the only person who can do this is myself. Of course being ill has not helped but i can't sit on my couch all day feeling sorry for myself, as that does nothing to help!
I still am not getting the same enjoyment from..... anything really, i try to read and cannot concentrate, i am mostly avoiding the social sites that i enjoy so much. I am feeling very disheartened.
I found out tonight that a friend and a workmate has died as well, he was a wonderful character great fun and a great boss, someone i really wish i had kept in touch with after moving on from that job. Death is inevitable i know and the thought of my own mortality certainly does not scare me, it is a bitch though!
Anyway i should try and sleep i am feeling very negative at the moment my own personal dark cloud is firmly anchored above.
Tomorrow is another day and i shall walk clear of the cloud.

So this is 2011, has been quite some time since my last blog, things have not been going so well for me of late, been hiding myself away from everything.
It is not a bad relapse just enough to knock me on my arse, been feeling very lethargic which soaks all the enjoyment out of the things that i have been loving doing, no photography, as every picture i take is shit, had also stopped chatting on twitter and facebook, which may not seem like that bad a thing to many people, but when  your contact with others is as limited as mine is, social media sites are usually a god send. When i back off from those it is definitely a sign that things are not going so well.
I have also not returned to weightwatchers, i just have not felt up to it, the thought of going in and putting on weight week by week as i am doing at the moment does not appeal to me.
Today is the start of a new year though so if things are going to change it should be now right??!
The only person who can alter my current situation is myself so today i intend to start that ball rolling, by going a good walk, will be interesting to see how much fitness i have lost over the past month or two of inactivity.
So please wish me  luck :~)
I hope 2011 contains as much joy and positive progress for everyone as 2010 did for me, just a bugger things took a wee nose dive towards the end, ach well back to it i guess
Andy xx